Saturday, 7 February 2009

Women as receivers...

Patriarchy socialises men into thinking that when they enter into a heterosexual relationship there will be penetrative sex. And if there is not they consider it not to be a proper relationship and thus look for a 'better' relationship elsewhere - i.e. they look for a woman they can have sex with. Thus, men expect sex - many feel they are entitled to it. After all, without penetrative sex in a relationship they are not conforming to notions of what 'real men' do.

Patriarchy socialises women that the only way to keep a man they particularly like within a relationship is to submit to sex with them. Don't get me wrong, much of the time women would like to have sex with their partner - however, it is considered such an integral part of relationships that women often feel they have to have penetrative sex at least on a regular basis to keep their man interested.

I wouldn't write that without some kind of evidence. Take a look at this and the 'treatments' offered.

"Peter T. Pacik MD FACS cures vaginismus with Botox injected directly into the old vadge. The Botox prevents the pelvic muscles from contracting, and voilĂ ! The natural order of the conjugal universe is restored! Best of all, the treatment is on sale! Through May 31, your Nigel can get back in the saddle without you puking for as little as $2400! That’s a $500 savings! No word on whether your pelvic muscles’ newfound inability to contract will have a negative impact on your gratification."

There are women who suffer pain when anything penetrates them. And instead of considering whether they think any kind of treatment (not the botox one, for Christ's sake) could benefit them as people, they feel guilty. Guilty! They feel they are not made correctly. That they are not functioning correctly. I would have to agree with the blogger's sentiments and say that if penetrative sex hurts, don't do it. But I also understand that within the current structure of society, which the media perpetuates, women are considered prudes if they do not submit to their boyfriend's advances (remember though that women should not submit to too many men's sexual advances because that would make them sluts). So now I come to the notion that perhaps the word 'sex' should be expanded to include non-penetrative activities. Both men and women can orgasm through means other than penetration. So why is penetration so important? I'll tell you why - because men are made to feel guilty for not doing it. So women are made to feel guilty for not wanting penetrative sex and men are made to feel guilty for not penetrating them.

Women are supposed to be on the receiving end of actions rather than doing the actions themselves. They are supposed to be child-bearers and the primary care-givers to those children; they are supposed to have a family (defined as being in a partnership with a man and hoping to have children in the future - if they do not, then they are selfish); if they do not want children they are treated as lepers, social pariahs, and told that they "will change their mind when they're older". If they have a career they are expected to not put that ahead of their responsibilities to their family, or if they don't have a family they should not put a career in the way of obtaining one. Does this sound familiar to anyone? These are the kinds of messages that women receive everyday. Whether subtly or direct they are all pervasive. And even worse, women are socialised into believing that such things are in their best interests; that if they try and subvert those ideas they will be punished and socially rejected. But you know what? If enough women rebel at the same time; if enough women say "no!" and mean it and aim for something beyond the cheery infantalisation that is levied our way, things can change.

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